Quote of the Day: 31 August 2009

Virgil Smith, vice president/talent management for US newspaper chain Gannett, on the numbers behind the jobs crisis (he's talking about the situation in America, but divide by five and we could be talking about any major UK publisher...)

'We have more than 5,000 journalists working for Gannett, and as of last night, there were 27 job openings. The good news is, two months ago, that number was six. However, three to four years ago, it was 400-500 on any given day.'

New tales from a redundant journo: Part 6

The soundtrack to my job search

Watching Alexandre Aja’s OK remake of Wes Craven’s The Hills Have Eyes the other night, I fall on ruminating about how much My Life Has Eyes - or, rather, I’s - at the moment.

Every day, I slash my way through the jungle thicket of job vacancies, hacking out job applications and waiting for that career-centred Livingstone-Stanley interview interface situation (I’m sorry: I’ve read so may job adverts in the past weeks I’m starting to think like them. Can I be a Communications Manager, please?). I do all this on my iMac.

And while I’m doing this, I’m of course fiddling about making up playlists of songs to listen to in iTunes and constantly changing the settings of the iTunes DJ to ludicrously unlikely parameters to see what comes up next. For some reason it seems always to be Shania Twain’s Ka-Ching, the only track of the estimable Mrs “Mutt” Lange’s I have ever owned - I think I downloaded it as part of some newspaper’s crappy online promotion years ago (“Aw yeah!” I hear you say).

In these financially-straitened times, a song about money and having lots of it is not really what I want or need to hear. And why of all the millions of copies of iTunes in use around the world e’en as we speak did I get the one with a DJ who is so besotted with MOR country pop? It’s not as though I don’t have thousands of other choices.

Time for the spoken word. And this is where iPlayer comes into its own. Despite the always amusing antics of Charles Moore and the deeply intellectual arguments of Noel Edmonds against it, I’ve always been in favour of the TV licence, and for my money, the iPlayer is worth the licence fee alone. Particularly when it comes to picking and choosing radio programmes to listen to during the necessary, if unstimulating, task of hunting and gathering jobs.

Unlike many journos I know, I’ve never been much of a Radio 4 junkie. Others would come in of a morning, excitedly babbling away about how John Humphrys had wound up Harriet Harman or what James Naughtie had said to the LibDem shadow spokesman on climate change in the community, or whatever, and my only contribution would be some lame joke Johnny Vaughan had made to Denise van Outen on Capital Breakfast. Not the stuff of searing political debate, you might say.

But Today aside, there’s plenty of good stuff on Radio 4, and iPlayer lets you pick ‘n’ mix. So this morning, I have listened to, in no particular order, David Attenborough on Life Stories talking about trilobites, Tim Harford investigating statistics in the news on More or Less, Stephen Fry talking about the English language in English Delight and Dan Cruickshank exploring New Zealand and its history.

In that time I have learned:

1. Attenborough once excitedly bought a fake fossil purportedly of copulating trilobites, before he realised that’s not how they “did it”

2. Contrary to the oft-quoted statistic, we do not throw away a third of our food: the more likely proportion is a fifth, and that includes teabags, bones, potato peelings etc

3. 'Hallo' is a word that has no single meaning and is defined purely by its context. And no-one knows where it came from, either

4. Either stingrays are quite docile, friendly creatures, or Dan Cruickshanks are, unless you attempt to tickle them (sorry, someone came to the door during this one).

Hah! I defy Shania Twain to teach me as much as that during a morning’s job search.

Reporters (Junior and Senior) - Ilford Recorder

The Recorder group of newspapers in East London, which includes the Ilford Recorder, Romford Recorder and Barking and Dagenham Recorder, is hiring junior and senior reporters. (Exactly how many vacancies there are isn't specified...)

Applicants for senior reporter need to have passed their NCE with experience working on a busy weekly paper, know their multimeeja and be able to track down off-diary exclusives.

The junior reporter role has far less by way of job requirements - you just need to have completed an NCTJ training course or equivalent and 'ideally' passed your prelims.

You'll be based in Ilford, East London. No word on the pay, but don't expect to get rich.

Apply with CV and covering letter to group editor Mark Sweetingham, by post only, apparently, at:

Mark Sweetingham, Group Editor (Essex)

Media House

539 High Road

Ilford

Essex

IG1 1UD

Deadline Friday 11 September.

Fact-checking in August: Way down in the hole

OK, so the Guardian fell for it, and the Independent fell for it. It's silly season, the country's newspapers are being largely written by workies, and anyway - it was a spoof aimed specifcially at the British media.

But could somebody please tell us how the hell the Baltimore Sun managed to fall for a fake statement on the fake website of its own mayor? Don't they even know what their own city's website looks like? Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit...

The Wire may or may not, in fact, be a life-like depiction of Britain's inner-cities. But it looks like series five got the Baltimore Sun's fact-checking standards dead-on...

Deputy News Editor - Swindon Advertiser

The Swindon Advertiser is looking for a Deputy News Editor.

You'll need to be a senior reporter or already have newsdesk experience, and preferably experience on a daily. They also ask for a good legal knowledge, web skills and, interestingly, 'a wealth of FOI ideas'.

CV and covering letter to the editor's PA, Pauline Howard, at phoward@swindonadvertiser.co.uk. Deadline Tuesday 1 September.

News Editor - Dow Jones Newswires

Dow Jones Newswires are looking for an experienced news editor to lead four reporters and oversee coverage of oil and products markets in Europe, the Middle East and Africa.

You'll need previous reporting experience covering the markets, preferably energy, at a wire service, newspaper or specialist publication.

Full details on Gorkana, not directly linkable. Apply with CV and covering letter to recruit005@dowjones.com.

Trainee reporter - Westmorland Gazette

The Westmorland Gazette, a newspaper in the Lake District which. we're told, has just gone compact after 191 years as a broadsheet, is looking for a trainee news and sports reporter.

You'll be covering tourism, farming, the environment and need to have a 'keen interest' in sport. You'll be based in Kendal. (True story: FleetStreetBlues once met someone who said they were from Kendal and spent the whole of the subsequent conversation trying as hard as possible not to say the words 'mint' and 'cake'. Unsuccesfully.)

They ask that you have your NCTJ prelims 'ideally'.

Write with a CV for an application form to editor's secretary Tracey Cunliffe, whose email is for some reason listed as vicky.cosgrove@northwest.newsquest.co.uk. Deadline Friday 11 September.

Grim in Brum

85 journalists. That's a lot of jobs.

Birmingham Post Marc Reeves fills in the detail on his blog. Going weekly is his preferred option - a shrunken, wire copy-filled daily version the only alternative.

Our union is angry on our behalf. The Press Gazette reports:

Jeremy Dear, NUJ general secretary, attacked Trinity Mirror for failing to come clean about its plans, even after the union had put them in the public domain two months ago.

Dear said the union would fight to protect jobs, adding that he believed the publisher would look to save money by sacking van drivers and distribution staff in the region.

He added: 'Without the ability to cover breaking news the Mail will lose a key selling point.'

'When Michael Jackson died overnight the paper sold thousands of extra copies thanks to locally produced content. That sort of reaction to a breaking story is under threat from these proposals.'

'If carried through today’s proposals constitute a major attack on journalists and journalism in the UK’s second biggest city.'

But it's not an 'attack'. Not really. It's just that the numbers don't add up.

The paper might have sold thousands of extra copies when Michael Jackson died, but how much of that was really due to added value from 'locally produced content'? And how much simply due to it being a massive news story with a consquent and temporary increase in every kind of news consumption?

It's only natural to seek someone to blame - management, the Government maybe, or the union for failing to protect us. But the truth is, we all know what's going on. It's just that no one's figured out a way to stop it.

Journalism is expensive, and it's going out of business. This is how it happens...

Designer - Connexion

Ever since he left London to go and work on the French Riviera, former Press Gazette news editor Paul McNally has been deluging his Twitter followers with snippets of the good life. Amazing weather. Amazing food. The amazing views where he works.

Well, he emailed us yesterday with good news: now you can join him. His new employers, English-language newspaper-for-France the Connexion, are recruiting a full-time designer.

You'll need newspaper experience and to be able to work on all aspects of design, from print and web to news and features in QuarkXpress. French is preferred but not essential. You'd be based in Nice, and ideally start 1 October.

Send your CV to editor-in-chief Sarah Smith at editor@connexionfrance.com. Deadline Sunday 20 September.

Follow us on Twitter

Another quick reminder, after the disruption of the weekend, that you can now follow FleetStreetBlues on Twitter.

So far, the main purpose is to alert you to new posts, as we've managed to set up a whizzy Twitter-feed thingy which does it all automatically. But the breaking news event of the journalism blogging world - FleetStreetBlues' first proper Tweet - can't be far off. It's going to be emotional...

Reporter - Mobile News

Mobile News, which badges itself as 'trade bible for the telecoms channel since 1991' (was there a 'telecoms channel' in 1991?), is looking for a news reporter.

You'll need to have experience of off-diary news and in-depth features on a local or another trade mag, and be willing to chase the big exclusives in print and online.

Full ad on Gorkana, not directly linkable, but there's not much more detail. Apply to the editor James Blackman at jamesb@mobilenewscwp.co.uk.

Pay - we're not lovin' it

There's a lively debate going on over at the Press Gazette website, about an advert for a business-to-business editor job which pays 'the same as a trainee McDonalds manager'.

The job, advertised by recruitment agency Formula Won, is based in London, at a b2b magazine in the property sector, and pays £18,000 - £25,000 depending on experience. They ask for 'significant experience as a b2b print editor'.

Meanwhile, a trainee manager for McDonalds, based in Doncaster, Castleford or Pontefract, can earn £18,500, Press Gazette points out. And that includes company car, pension and private health care on top.

So, should we be shocked? Well, yes and no. That pay for a job requiring previous experience as a magazine editor is low, undoubtedly. It's not a lot to live on in London. But somehow FleetStreetBlues can't be bothered to raise more than one rather unsurprised eyebrow.

One, journalism is badly paid, we all know that. Comparing it to other professions is something we've all done from time to time, but it's depressing and not particularly helpful. Figuring out a way to make the profession even a little bit profitable might be more productive.

Two, it's the market. The truth is, low pay or not, hundreds of applicants are going to apply for that editor job. There will likely be fewer qualified applicants for the McDonalds position - and there are several vacancies. So if the recruitment agency can recruit a qualified candidate at a lower price, they will. The popularity of journalism devalues it.

And three? Well, it's an editor job, and they ask for previous experience, but we're not talking editor of The Grocer here. Look at the job description in detail and it seems you'll be basically managing yourself, doing most of the writing yourself and liaising with a few freelancers. Just because the job title is 'editor' doesn't mean the right candidate will necessarily be that senior. It's hard to tell without knowing the publication in question, but it sounds roughly on a par with news editor on a regional paper or a reporter on a national.

Or a manager at a McDonalds, perhaps (who will in all likelihood have extensive line management responsibilities with a large number of employees...)

Don't get us wrong - jobs at the junior end of journalism are paid appallingly. But right now it's less of a worry than making sure the jobs are there at all.

Assistant News Editor - Lancashire Telegraph

The Lancashire Telegraph is recruiting an Assistant News Editor.

The two-edition daily is looking for a qualified senior reporter ready to start climbing the greasy pole make the step up. You'll need to have the ability to 'coach' junior reporters, so experience is very much desirable. They don't say it, but local knowledge would also, obviously, be a big plus.

If you're interested, they ask you to write with a CV, for an application - an odd way of doing things - to news editor Ian Singleton at isingleton@lancashire.newsquest.co.uk. Deadline Monday 7 September.

Reporter - Times Higher Education

The Times Higher Education - definitely and pointedly no longer a Supplement - is recruiting a news reporter.

There's a long list for a job description, but at the top, they clearly and honestly state the only job description any reporter has ever had - 'to work efficiently and accurately on stories according to the news editor's requirements.' Their wish is our command.

Full details on Gorkana, not directly linkable. To apply send a CV to careers@tsleducation.com.

Guilty pleasures

The first line of a story in the Guilty Pleasures section of yesterday's Metro - and possibly the most ridiculous top line we think we've ever heard. Could the story they wanted and the story they got be any further apart?

'Charlotte Church and Gavin Henson spent most of Saturday apart - fuelling rumours of a rift in their relationship.'

Normally, this is the bit where we'd rant and rave about celebrity 'journalism', and ask showbiz hacks to at least make a bit of an effort.

But now we're not so sure. It seems to be working for Dominic Mohan...

Poll: How do you keep your contacts?

Inspiration for this poll comes from a comment, from Freelance Unbound, who was wondering at a job ad specifying the needs for a 'bulging contacts book'.

He wrote:

Actually, does anyone have a "bulging contacts book" any more? Surely journos just search Google – or, now, Twitter and Facebook – for their contacts...

It's a good question. FleetStreetBlues does have a contacts book of sorts, but it's in computerised form, a behemoth of an Excel spreadsheet allowing everyone we've ever met to be searched by name, number or subject. (It probably breaks all kinds of data protection laws).

But what about you? Are you a little black book kind of reporter? Or is it really possible to get by without any contacts at all, and just Twitter your way through stories? Let us know in the poll at the top right.

UPDATE: OK it was a nice idea, but we've somehow managed to kill the poll while tweaking the design. Clumsy isn't the word. So consider the poll officially abandoned.

That said, the 'little black book' was winning by a clear margin. Clearly you all lack FleetStreetBlues' technical prowess.

Chief Reporter - Croydon Guardian

Chief reporter. Is there any better title? Seniority. Authority. And none of the line-managing responsibility/paper-pushing bureaucracy that comes with promotion to the newsdesk.

So, it can be a great job, and there's a vacancy, at the Croydon Guardian, a Newsquest publication. You need to be a great reporter already, with 18 months' experience, and should have passed your NCE although encouragingly 'exceptional candidates without it will be considered.'

You'll be based in a team working with another two reporters in North Cheam. They're promising a 'competitive' salary and 'the chance to learn the skills necessary to run the desk when the assistant editor is away'.

You don't want any of that though - responsibility, bureaucracy. Stick to being chief reporter.

You can read the full ad here. Apply with CV to assistant editor Matthew Knowles at mknowles@london.newsquest.co.uk. Deadline Friday 4 September.

UPDATE: Matthew has been in touch to point out that we did, in fact, get his email wrong first time round. The correct version is as above - mknowles@london.newsquest.co.uk.

A word about the new look

OK, OK, so it's already got its haters, and we have to admit, it's far from the finished product. But we were bored with the current design, wanted more functionality, and came across a veritable smorgasbord of free blogger templates - all with added gadgets - on the excellent Our Blogger Templates.

Thing is, we didn't get to finish it. And with the benefit of Monday morning hindsight, we may have got carried away. Web design is not our forte.

So here's the deal. Over the next couple of days, we're going to keep tweaking. It's going to be a bit of a building site around here. Give it time, and if it still looks rubbish by the end of the week, we'll consider going back. Maybe.

If you can't Tweet 'em, join 'em

FleetStreetBlues had an argument in the pub earlier this week about Twitter, and we're still not convinced. Here's why it doesn't work for journalism - far from widening the range of people journalists are hearing from and talking to, it's narrowing it.

Remember the #welovethenhs trend which dominated Twitter and got the tweetocracy into a tweet-frenzy of excitement a few days ago? Well, it's worth forgetting the hype and looking at the numbers.

Guido Fawkes - who knows a thing or two about success on the internet - sensibly points out that over the course of a three days 11,902 people tweeted #welovethenhs 22,642 times.

He compares it to the number of people petitioning Gordon Brown to resign, but how about this: 31,200 people have recently signed an online petition calling for the Prime Minister 'to protect the RNLI from paying licence fees for using maritime radio frequencies. No media hype for that though. Lifeboat-themed blogs on Comment is Free have been strangely lacking.

So that's why we still believe Twitter is not all that it's cracked up to be.

That said, our criticism is mainly based around the fact that Twitter-types are largely a bunch of internet-enthusiast media types talking about the internet and the media. And it hasn't escaped our notice that FleetStreetBlues readers are, like us... well, largely internet-enthusiast media types talking about the internet and the media.

So in the interests of cynically grabbing a few more readers and spreading the word, we've now started using Twitter to send as well as receive (automatically, at least).

That's right - we've joined the revolution. It is, officially, now worth following us to get instant updates on jobs, gossip and the latest ill-informed comment, and you can do so here. Good to have you on board. We still hate it.

UPDATE: Turns out we're far from alone in turning to Twitter - Times columnist Giles Coren has just joined, also reluctantly - you can follow him here. He's due to start his first ever live Twitter restaurant review about now... How did it come to this?

New tales from a redundant journo: Part 5

Job apps: 3
Replies to previous job apps: 0
Spam: 23

My planned fortnightly jolly into Kingston, south-west London, to sign on is somewhat delayed by an alarming letter from the council saying it has suspended payment of my housing benefit, because it doesn’t believe I live here. What the ...!?!??!!

But I proffered all sorts of proof of residence during my initial application interview - phone bill, bank statements, telly licence, several mail order offers from Donald Russell, Aberdeenshire butchers (a hangover from the Good Old Days). What more could they possibly want?

A not-so-quick phone call reveals the council sent me a letter which, either due to misaddressing - which I don’t believe, since everything else the council has sent me has arrived - or misdelivery (my theory), was sent back with “Addressee not known at this address” on it. What kind of eejit writes that on a misdelivered letter rather than just circling the correct address and writing “NOT 24 Alphonso Avenue!!!” on it and popping it into a nearby post box?

This is tiresome: to remedy the situation I have to rustle up a letter from my landlady confirming I actually live in the house I have lived in for the last 11 years (couldn’t the council just look on the electoral roll or its own council tax records? I’ve been on them all that time), another utility bill, more bank statements etc, etc.

The benefit officers don’t seem interested in seeing the further mailshot offers I’ve had from Donald Russell, the snobs

Despite this morning packed with incident, I arrive in Kingston with a half-hour to spare, so decide to check out the windows of the nearest job agencies to see if they have anything to offer. Surprisingly, they do, but for things like 'Communications Manager' and 'Communications Executive', which I guess are what in my day were called 'PR'.

The job descriptions are baffling, all 'driving forward a diverse program', 'aiding our diverse outward-reaching inclusive drive to all-media output' and other demoralising, exclusive-driving terms. Whatever happened to 'Must have Word, Quark a bonus?' Maybe I’m too old to engage in communications executive-speak

Then another ad makes me reel back, thinking I’m dyslexic. It doesn’t make any sense at all. Job title: 'Praca w fabryce' it says. It takes me a while to realise it’s in Polish.

(Pic: Nick 'Andrew David Blann' Booth)

Salary: '£5 za godzine'. Like most of us over here - apart from Poles, that is - the only Polish I know is 'Na zdrowie', but I decide to see if I can interpret this ad anyway, to see whether it’s worth applying for.

'Praca w fabryce' obviously means “practical fabrication”, a skill every journalist has under his or her belt. '£5 za godzine' is obviously a bit low if you’re working on a God magazine or - alternative interpretation - Godzilla is the editor (the two often come together, I’ve found).

Details: 'Lekka paraca w fabryce' ('If you like practical fabrication...') 'przy skladanui kartonow' ('you will fit prozzies in a carton...'). 'Do 40 godzine w tygondiu' ('Godzilla wants 40 an hour'). Actually, I’m not so sure this job has anything to do with journalism.

'Location: Coulsdon'

That’s it. A definite No.

Or am I just being too fussy?

Deputy Features Editor - Woman and Home

Woman & Home magazine is recruiting a Deputy Features Editor on a fixed-term contract.

You need a minimum of two years' experience as senior writer of deputy features editor on a national women's consumer magazine or newspaper, a 'bulging contacts book' and a bunch of other skills you'd expect a deputy features editor to have. Women & Home's an IPC media publication, so you'll be based just south of the river near Southwark tube in central London.

Full details on Gorkana, not directly linkable. Email CV and covering letter to victoria_young@ipcmedia.com. Deadline Friday 28 August.

Results day

The Mail has them.

The Telegraph has them.

Even the BBC has them.

Good work picture editors. It must be A-level results day (for girls at least). Wonder when the boys get their results?

Frank Branston - a journalist's journalist

It was reported earlier this week that Frank Branston, legendary founder of the Bedfordshire on Sunday, has died aged 70.

We never had the honour, but from various reports it sounds as though Mr Branston was a journalist's journalist, of the kind rapidly becoming extinct.

We particularly liked this tale, courtesy of Jon Slattery, of one of the great man's job ads.

It - the ad - went like this:

'In the old days junior reporters were bought up the hard way; being run from pillar to post and being saddled with the menial jobs. They proved themselves by taking it on the chin, keeping their eyes and ears open and grabbing their chances. Now they are expected to have A-levels and to spend half their time at colleges, where failed journalists try to teach a job that is best learned on the street. Bedfordshire on Sunday prefers it the old way.'

Old school.

(NB Jon Slattery knew the man first hand, but his quotes don't tell the whole story. Mr Branston may indeed have described the internet as 'just a day out for nerds and anoraks', but a quick Google reveals that after selling the Bedfordshire on Sunday in 2005, he blogged, religously. Check out 'Blogging for a Better Bedford'.)

Deputy National Editor - The National

The National - daily paper out in the UAE and Mecca for Fleet Street expats - is hiring again, and this time they're looking for a deputy national editor.

You'll need 'several years' experience' editing on a daily newspaper or wire service, also some kind of experience with Middle East and the UAE. They promise 'competitive remuneration, commensurate with experience and an excellent benefits package along with other benefits'. Year-round sunshine.

Full details on Gorkana, not directly linkable. Apply to jobs@thenational.ae with 'Deputy National Editor' in the subject line.

Reporter - Suffolk Free Press

Johnston Press publication the Suffolk Free Press is recruiting a new senior reporter.

It's the usual drill - you'll need your NCE or be a senior working on a weekly newspaper somewhere, a 'nose for off-diary stories' and a full driving licence. Sounds as if courts/councils experience would also be particularly welcome.

Email editor Philip Minett at philip.minett@suffolkfreepress.co.uk for an application form. Deadline Thursday 27 August.

How to brand... yourself

Multimedia journalism evangelist Adam Westbrook starts an interesting series on his blog today, six posts, each offering six tips for 'the next generation of freelance multimedia journalists'. (Being a freelance multimedia journalist sounds like a great idea, but FleetStreetBlues can't help wondering where the freelance budget is to pay for a whole generation of them. How will they eat?)

In any event, it's the same sort of words of wisdom we've offered on this blog before - a useful combination of strategic and very practical advice. It's also, arguably, just as useful for already-practising journalists as it is for those training to become one. Get yourself over there for lesson one - how to brand yourself.

Reporter - Grazia

Showbiz journalism may be looked upon by some as the ugly stepsister of the profession, but make no mistake - no one chases an exclusive harder. And that's why Grazia, who are likely to be inundated with applicants for this junior news reporter position, are heavily emphasising the requirement for a 'strong news background', 'preferably with hard news newspaper experience.'

So, it's a six-month initial contract to prove yourself, and the only other skills you'll need are prerequisites for any self-respecting tabloid hack - excellent contact-building abilities, a good celebrity grounding and boundless confidence.

Full details on Gorkana, not directly linkable. Send a CV, plus three news-led story ideas that you think should feature in the 10 HOT section this week to acting news editor Emily Maddick at emily.maddick@graziamagazine.co.uk. Deadline Thursday 20 August.

Warning: May contain nuts

We all know journalists prepared to go the extra mile, who'll do 'anything it takes' to get the story. But this effort by Guardian journalist Paul MacInnes (pictured) seems above and beyond the call of duty.

It may be August (in fact, with this piece of cynical SEO-manipulation on the Guardian homepage, it must be). But the North Sea's still bloody freezing...

New tales from a redundant journo: Part 4

One problem with being unemployed and trying to fill your days sending out job applications is the sheer, mind-numbing tedium of it all.

A quick count shows that in the last month or so, I’ve sent out about 25 apps: unlike the Health Department’s five-a-day, the JobCentre’s numerical mantra is three-a-week, so I’m ahead of the game there.

But it’s so boring. I’m not a Buddhist, so as far as I know I’ve actually only had one life (there’s a thought: how much from previous lives do Buddhists put on their CV?) and while it’s had its highlights and personal triumphs, Michael Aspel or whoever would have to flannel quite bit to fill out an hour if they ever brought back This Is Your Life and chose me as the subject.

I have not climbed Mt Everest from the inside, I have never raced to the South Pole with a sledge pulled by Brian Blessed, nor was I the first to compete in a F1 race driving backwards (David Coulthard beat me to that, although the boy’s come good since he discovered the forward gears).

Mine’s been a life of studiously riskless, simple pleasures, keeping one foot on the bank rather than jumping in boots ‘n’ all.

Following the advice of those in the know (ie, those who have jobs) I’ve kept my CV pared down to a single page: personal details, education, career to date etc. The other stuff you can leave for the covering letter.

It’s that letter that causes me grief. While I try to tailor it to the recipient, highlighting the qualities they emphasise in their advertisement and referring to the CV as necessary, boredom has driven me to start tweaking my past life to make it stand out from the crowd. Since I would never inflate or invent parts of my education or career (I might get found out), the most tweakable section seems to be Hobbies and Interests.

As far as I know, my H & Is are pretty much the same as almost everybody else’s: TV, the movies, reading, the pub, eating out when I can afford it, occasional forays to the more lo-falutin’ theatre, days out, mucking about on the computer etc. Hardly heady stuff.

So I’ve found myself, almost unknowingly, adding things and beefing up those which are already there, usually with a topical spin to pique interest. 'I have recently taken up keeping an urban apiary' I found myself writing the other day - a ridiculous assertion, since when I was a kid I was highly allergic to bee stings, swelling up, fainting and ending up in hospital.

'A particular interest of mine is translating the works of Dickens into Sanskrit': again, a pathetic boast, since I wouldn’t know Sanskrit from Sancerre (well, actually, that I do know) and of course, its believability relies on the recipient not knowing the first thing about Sanskrit either.

'A keen interest in the internet has led me to start developing a program that will allow users to calculate the number of vowels and/or consonants in any given text and ascribe each a musical note.' Piffle, and geeky piffle at that.

I don’t think I’m alone in this boredom-induced bloating of my job apps. Indeed, like obesity, I think in the current recession it’s probably reached epidemic proportions. An “appesity” epidemic if you will.

Reporter - The Grocer

This is a top trade press vacancy - The Grocer, which covers food and drink retailers and is one of the most highly regarded B2B publications out there, is hiring a reporter.

Your brief will be to break 'agenda-setting news stories ahead of the nationals', and your patch will be 'food and drink', so covering big brands like Coca Cola and Heinz. Encouragingly for those starting out, they don't have any explicit requirements regarding experience or qualifications.

Equally, though, it's not badged as an entry-level position and they want someone who knows what they're doing, particularly when it comes to building contacts, so if you haven't held this kind of job before you're going to need to really impress.

A William Reed Business Media publication, The Grocer is based a way outside of London, near Crawley. They're offering £20,000 - £24,000, and as an extra sweetener, there's talk of foreign travel - recent trips have included India, New York and the Caribbean, apparently.

Apply to senior HR adviser Sarah Painter at recruitment@william-reed.co.uk. Deadline Monday 7 September.

New tales from a redundant journo: Part 3

The Big Crash

(WARNING: Because of the subject of the following entry, it contains certain words of an Anglo-Saxon derivation that may alarm and/or upset sensitive or younger readers. If you think this may include you, please do not read before the 9pm watershed. If you are concerned that minors may have access to this post and fear corruption of their innocent little minds, consider investing one of the many net nanny programs so they can’t read it. Cheaper still, just blindfold the little buggers.)

So there I am, happily checking out the vacancies on the web when one job catches my eye, not because of the job title, which is something nebulous like 'Deputy Assistant Creative Input Operative', and definitely not the less than mouth-watering salary offered.

It’s the line: “Among your repsonsibilities will be...”

Hmmm, the job-seeking sub’s eternal dilemma: if I point out the typo will they (a) congratulate me on my acuity and put my app at the top of the heap, or (b) think “smart-arse!” and immediately bin it?

Anyway, I click the Apply Now button and Whoompf! My browser crashes. 'Bastardo!' I cry, as there’s never a bad moment to keep your multi-lingual skills sharpened.

OK, relaunch... back to the site... find that job again... hit the Apply button... Whoompf! Again. Hmmm, dodgy link, perhaps? Back into the relaunch drill, but this time I’m going to test another job site and another job. OK, hit Apply Now...and I’m through. Jubilation!

This one’s a form to fill in with personal details - name, address, phone number, email, shoe size etc.

Click to go to the next page...Whoompf! Buggeration! Because it crashed before I’d saved or sent anything, the browser won’t remember what I’ve already filled in, so I’ll have to start all over again.

OK, relaunch and... nothing but the spinning beachball of death (Mac users will know what I’m on about; it’s the equivalent of that little tippy hourglass you get in Windows).

OK, force-quit the browser, delve into my Library/Preferences folder and toss the browser prefs. Relaunch...oh no, the beachball again, though this time I have only the chance to stare at its ghastly hypnotising effects for a few seconds before Whoompf!

Muttering darkly a linguistic cornucopia of F, C and S words, I toss the prefs again, relaunch the browser and...get through. So I decide to give it a test-spin and head for the FSB site. Whoompf! Shiteration! I had only had a chance to briefly view my previous columns here and I like to keep abreast of the abuse I attract. The sound of IT ghosts of the past whisper to me: “Have you tried...?” All right, shut it! I’m rebooting!

One reboot later, I decide to email some geekier-than-thou mates to see if any of them can help. Now my email program is playing silly buggers: it takes an age to open, allows me to send one message off, then promptly crashes. And so a long, tedious week of quirks, crashes and disk repair programs ensues, culminating in my copying my entire hard drive on to an external one and then reinstalling my whole operating system and then...but you don’t want to know all about that.

Generally, people are as unsympathetic to this sort of computer catastrophe as they are to the details of any sickness you may have just had, unless the symptoms are particularly juicy and publicly embarrassing.

Anyway, I’m finally up and running, though well behind on the job app front, and I’ve got to sign on on Friday, with a list to show I’ve been a busy, buzzy little job-seeking bee.

Talking of bees, I eventually tracked down the bug in the system that had caused all my digital woe. It was a font I’d installed to design a brochure for a mate, which had become corrupted (the font, not the mate). So much for doing someone a favour.

Work Experience - Press Gazette

The Press Gazette - on fine form at the moment, with new staff and, shortly, new offices - is advertising two-week work experience slots.

Editor Dominic Ponsford promises 'lots of encouragement, feedback and mentoring in exchange for your free labour. You should also get a few bylines on our website if your work is up to scratch.'

They do, however, stipulate that you have to be on a practical journalism course or have recently completed one. Email dominicp@pressgazette.co.uk.

Sports Reporter - Dorset Echo

Another vacancy on the Dorset Echo here, this time for a sports reporter to cover 'anything from bowls to beach volleyball' (somehow, in Weymouth, we're thinking it's more bowls than beach volleyball.')

Again, you'll need driving licence, car, NCTJ qualifications and experience, this time as a sports reporter.

Email editor Toby Granville with CV and covering letter at toby.granville@dorsetecho.co.uk. Deadline Friday 21 August.

What not to wear

A couple of posts today have got us thinking about clothes.

We don't often think about clothes, but then maybe that's the problem. Journalists, especially male journalists, are notoriously scruffy. It's in our nature - when we get out of bed in the morning, the first thing on our minds isn't really looking smart.

Maybe it should be. Roy Greenslade has the amusing tale of a Croatian cameraman who was fired by RTL television after the Prime Minister took offence at the slogan on a T-shirt he was wearing at a Government press conferece.

The slogan? 'I don't need sex. The government fucks me every day.' His excuse? 'It was the only clean shirt he had.' We believe him.

And then to Playing the Game, with one of his trademark rants about the importance of dressing smartly. The example he gives is of a death-knock in inner-city Glasgow, where he and another well-groomed hack found that wearing a suit opened doors for them which would otherwise have remained firmly closed.

'Not once did we say we were anything other than two guys in suits working for the papers but people assumed we were something we weren't,' he writes. 'And we were smart enough to allow them to think what they like.'

That rings very true. Once upon a time, back in the day, when one of the FleetStreetBlues gang was a mere cub reporter on a large local paper, he was called by the night news editor at five in the morning.

'There's a big fire just down the road,' our man was told, somewhat apologetically. 'I can't get hold of anyone else. Can you check it out?'

Being a keen-as-mustard cub reporter, our man was less put out than he might be if he got that kind of call, say, tomorrow morning, and duly got up and drove to the scene bleary-eyed. But before he did, despite the ungodly hour, he took the time to shower quickly and dress for work, suit, tie and all.

Shortly after arriving, onlookers pointed out a man who had dragged a dying woman out of a still-burning building. The man was wandering around dazed, in circles - naturally, when he was asked what had happened by a smart looking guy in a suit, he told all. It was on the front page an hour later.

We didn't cheat. We did introduce ourselves properly. But he obviously didn't clock it, and when he was finished giving a play-by-play account of a geninuely dramatic rescue, asked us whether we were with the police or fire department.

When we said 'neither', he didn't try and take it back, but by then, it was too late anyway. First impressions count - particularly on a smouldering housing estate on a clear, cold morning.

Sub-Editor - Stoke Sentinel

Well, we say it's a role for a sub-editor at the Stoke Sentinel, but since when did newspapers have their own subs any more? You will be working on the Sentinel, but this is actually a vacancy at a subbing hub in the West Midlands producing more than 20 newspapers.

You'll need to have the basic subbing and design skills and also have subbing experience, or alternatively be a qualified senior reporter looking for a change.

Email Vanda Gibbons, PA to the Editor-in-Chief of Staffordshire Sentinel News and Media, at vanda.gibbons@thesentinel.co.uk. Deadline Friday 21 August.

Reporter - Dorset Echo

Weymouth-based Newsquest publication the Dorset Echo - leading as we write this on a bus timetable consultation - is hiring a new reporter.

It's pretty standard stuff in the ad - you'll need a full driving licence, your own car, an NCTJ qualification and newspaper experience. What's not standard is that the Echo is apparently 'one of the UK's few daily newspapers where sales are going up.' If you get this job, you might be able to keep it.

Email the editor, Toby Granville, at toby.granville@dorsetecho.co.uk. Deadline this Friday 14 August.

Practicing for the pandemic

Over the last few weeks, one thing many hard-pressed editors have been doing - along with every other business in the country - is drawing up pandemic contingency plans, pretending they know how they'll get their paper out if half the newsdesk are off sick.

Now one medical trade publication has, we hear, gone a stage further - and is trying out those plans for real. No joke - every Monday reporters are told if they are deemed 'well' or 'infected' that week, with the 'infected' sent home for several days. (Though they're still apparently expected to file stories. They're not that sick.)

Harmless water-cooler anecdote? Perhaps. But FleetStreetBlues would suggest that those who remain in the office, struggling to operate with reporters off 'sick', don't work too hard. Managing to get by with half the staff isn't a good precedent to set. Might give management ideas...

Reporter - Inside Housing

Inside Housing, the trade weekly aimed at social housing professionals, is recruiting a new business reporter.

They're looking for a journalist who ideally already has two years' experience, and who is willing and able to break big stories that will find their way into the nationals. You'll be based at Canary Wharf (in the really tall tower at One Canada Square).

Full ad on Gorkana, not directly linkable. Send CV and covering letter to gene.robertson@insidehousing.co.uk. Deadline Monday 24 August.

The Press Complaints who now?

Whenever the subject of a negative story gets angry - really, really angry - they always threaten one of two things.

The first thing they might say is, 'I'll see you in court.'

Or they might say - and they often do - 'I'm referring you to the Press Complaints Commission.'

The first is often an empty threat. It takes a lot of resolve, and, even with 'no win, no fee' offers, generally a certain amount of money. But it can also be kind of scary. There are a lot of levels of escalation to go through, lawyers' letters and so on, but it could and might happen. And while the nationals might be able to write off a Max Mosley-style case as just another expense of tabloid journalism, a libel writ is what keeps editors of local papers and magazines awake at night.

The second is always an empty threat.

No, it's true that sometimes the Press Complaints Commission does take action. It does, in theory, regulate the trade. But we've known a lot of journalists who've heard the threat, and none who've ever been subject to action, or even an investigation. Normally, if a colleague tells you they've been threatened with being referred to the Press Complaints Commission, we just laugh.

Which is why the big news in media circles yesterday, that the Press Complaints Commission has announced it will submit itself to a root-and-branch review of how it operates, is likely to be met by grunt journalists with an overwhelming sense of 'Meh...'

We should care. We should care that the supposedly independent review is actually going to be led by a PCC board member who's stepping down just so that she can lead the review. 'A tad disingenuous,' says the media ethics charity MediaWise. Business as usual, the critics will carp.

But the point is, the PCC has far less to do with the working lives of ordinary journalists than members of the public would generally assume.

Whether this is a good or bad thing, we're not sure. Reform it properly, of course, and it might become more effective. But arguably the last thing journalism needs is someone telling us what we can and can't print. Mr Justice Eady does quite enough of that already.

Should journalists just ignore embargoes?

Every journalist must have wondered at one time or another - why don't we just break the embargo? (And, accidentally or deliberately, most probably have at one time or another).

Well, now it's policy. PaidContent.Org reports that the Wall Street Journal has apparently dispensed with embargoes altogether - leading to some awkward situations where PRs have continued handing out stories with embargoes anyway, and the WSJ's ignored them.

We suspect this might divide journalists, and we'd be particularly interested to hear in the comments from anyone in favour of keeping them.

But embargoes are a tool used to control the press and minimise or maximise coverage at a PR's whim (depending on the timing of the embargo). A case in point was the Prince Harry deployment to Afghanistan, which was effectively subject to a rolling embargo lasting several weeks - until some foreign newspapers had the guts to report the unreportable.

The whole point of being a journalist is to deliver news first, and embargoes are designed to delay publication. Scrap 'em.

Sub-Editor - Basildon Evening Echo

An opportunity here to sub on two Newsquest titles in Essex, the Basildon Evening Echo and sister publication the Colchester Gazette.

They're asking for one year's newspaper layout and text editing experience, but interesting also say they will consider applications from experienced reporters who are desperate for a job, any job 'looking for the next challenge'.

Apply with an application form from somewhere on the Echo's website (you have to hunt down the vacancy first). Deadline tomorrow Friday 7 August.

Poll result: Is studying journalism money well spent?

A controversial one this. The votes suggest that, on balance, more people get their money's worth out of journalism training than those who don't.

But a number of pretty despairing comments (mainly of the 'I STILL CAN'T GET A JOB' variety), point to a lot of very dissatisified customers.

FleetStreetBlues is mainly in the 'no formal training, learned it on the job' camp. Can't say we regret it...

Council-run papers scrapped

First it was Your Cornwall. Now, HoldTheFrontPage reports with just a little suppressed glee, it's the Doncaster News. Council-run free papers are being closed down by cash-strapped councils - and it turns out they're anything but free.

Scrapping the Doncaster News saved taxpayers £67,000 - and that's despite the fact that they somehow avoided to manage firing a single member of staff. Expect the Doncaster council press officer to be well-staffed for the next few months.

Hero of the hour? New Doncaster Mayor Peter Davies, who said: 'It is simply council propaganda and an exercise in distorting unpalatable truths.'

Local paper the Doncaster Free Press adds (again, with a little suppressed glee): 'Instead, he plans to keep residents informed through local news organisations including the Free Press.' Result.

New tales from a redundant journo: Part 2

Monday is MediaGuardian day. Time to trawl through all the ads and find something that approximates my skills and experience.

Among all the PR, media sales, first-jobber and frankly baffling job descriptions ('You will be expected to deliver prime-usable reader-friendly eco-aware copy addressing a multi-cultural audience accessing our media output on a multi-platform basis' Er, I know how to change the amp fuse in a plug - does that count?), I find two. The CVs with, what I hope are acutely tailored covering letters, are sent off. Gloom sets in - time for the pub.

One of the great things about going to the pub is not just that employed pub mates will buy you a drink - they will do that, but I'm wary of overdoing the welcome - but they will also often come up with something totally unexpected to help you out.

One friend presented me with a half a gigantic marrow a mate of his has grown in an allotment. I haven't had marrow since I was a kid. The best way to cook it, my mate says, is peel it, slice it lengthways, scoop out the seeds in the middle, fill the trough with browned mince, mushrooms, onions, peppers or whatever and roast it for an hour or so at about 150-degrees (gas mark 2-3, if you want to try this at home). And, you know, he was right.

There you go: I bet when you logged on to FleetStreetBlues you weren't expecting Delia Smith (nobody expects Delia Smith!).

Trainee reporter - Colchester Gazette

Hold the front page! A trainee vacancy on a local paper has opened up and is being openly advertised on, er, HoldTheFrontPage. If you want it, move fast.

It's at the Colchester Gazette, a Newsquest-owned daily paper in north Essex, and although it's advertised as an entry-level position you do still need to have completed your NCTJ prelims. It pays just £15,000, and be warned, you'll be the newsdesk's bitch you'll need to have 'a flexible attitude' towards evening and weekend working.

But still, if you're one of the hundreds of trainee journalists scrabbling around for anything resembling the first rung on the ladder, this could be your lucky day. Apply via the Gazette's job pages (it may take a bit of hunting to locate the actual job vacancy number but hey, it's all part of sorting the wheat from the chaff).

Deadline is supposedly Monday 24 August, but if they haven't been buried under the weight of a thousand applications by then we'd be very surprised.

Reporter - Post

Insurance trade weekly Post magazine is looking for a reporter.

The short ad, unfortunately, gives precious little further information, above and beyond a general explanation of what reporters on trade magazines generally do. But it's an Incisive Media publication, so you'll be based in Soho in central London - it's probably worth checking out their website to gain a bit more detail on the kinds of areas you'd be covering.

Apply online via Incisive Media's recruitment page.

Diary of a Fleet Street fox

While FleetStreetBlues was away, the following email appeared in our inbox.

Who's the coked-up newspaper exec? What's he doing to that fat bird? Why's the editor scared? And more importantly, who's Lillys Miles? For sleaze, scandal and answers read The Diary Of A Fleet Street Fox.

So we checked it out, and it's a barnstorming read. Purportedly it's a sex'n'shopping-style blog from one of Fleet Street's finest, a tabloid reader in the throes of a messy relationship with her off-again, on-again husband - and one with a surprisingly tolerant editor.

We enjoyed it - but we're slightly doubtful as to how closely it's based on reality. Could it be a marketing stunt for the latest chick-lit? Or just a frustrated wannabe hack angling for a book deal?

Then again - implausible plot lines? Breathy over-the-top writing style? Too much sex and dubious connection to actual facts? She does claim to work for a tabloid. It might just have the ring of truth...

(Incidentally, if anyone does think they know the author - maybe you're Tit Tape Tim from the sports desk, say - let us know at fleetstreetblues@hotmail.co.uk. We protect our sources.)

Senior Reporter - Western Gazette

The Western Gazette - a six-edition weekly newspaper based in the deep South West (Dorset and Somerset) is hiring a new senior reporter.

Ideally you'll be a qualified reporter already, although encouragingly, they do say that a 'strong' trainee will also be considered.

The full ad's here, but it doesn't add a lot - you'll need a full driving licence and an eye for an off-diary splash.

Apply with CV to the editor Head of Content Emma Slee at emma.slee@westgaz.co.uk. Deadline this Friday 7 August.

Quote of the Day: 3 August 2009

David Simon, creator of The Wire and a fine, fine journalist, on why the transition to online journalism won't be straightforward.

'It's not just one guy at a terminal typing what he feels. The stuff had to pass muster, had to go past editors who were veterans.'

New tales from a redundant journo: Part 1

And so to the JobCentre.

Signing-on feels oddly familiar to those 'employee assessments' we had to undergo in my old company, and that in latter years I had to carry out myself before the Big R. I hated them, both as assessee and assessor. The JobCentre lot have kindly, if indifferent, intent: it's basically just filling in boxes, just like it is in the private sector when it comes to assessments.

'I see you've sent off 20 job applications and had one interview. How did that go?' One bites one's tongue. If it had gone well, I wouldn't be here.

'Unfortunately, they didn't think I had the necessary skills, so told me not to come back for the second interview.' [Thinks: They had already filled the job internally, but had to go through the motions of external advertising to keep their IIP status. That interview cost me £4 off my Oyster, thanks very much.]

Never mind. It ticks the JobCentre boxes for another two weeks. Like, wow.

One surprising aspect about the JobCentre are the signers-on, I mean 'customers'. I had half-expected it to be pandemonium, with layabout dole-scroungers in hoodies yelling 'Gimme mah dosh!' to frightened young school-leavers behind reinforced glass windows.

Instead it's open-plan, relatively quiet and - this is what gets me - most of the 'customers' are like me: middle-aged, middle-class, professional types, well-dressed and well-spoken. On the waiting bench, one tells me he was in an IT department, took a holiday and was greeted with a P45 as a Welcome Back card. Another women I overhear says she was a banker (boo-hiss!) for 15 years and then got made redundant. She spent all her redundancy pay-off travelling for six months, but now has come home to the mortgage and bills.

I can't decide whether she made a right decision or not - both to go on holiday and to come back.

New tales from a redundant journo

So, the original redundant journalist got hired - a better job than the one she'd left, and miraculously in just one month. But we're acutely aware that her experience was the exception rather than the norm, and that there's a lot more of you out there who haven't been so lucky.

Picking up the baton is 'Morpork', an experienced journalist in a very different situation to our last writer. Morpork is a sub by trade, a veteran of local papers, who was made redundant last Christmas. Since then, he's been struggling - to find a job, to pay the bills, and to stay in journalism. You'll be able to follow his progress here as he desperately tries to get back into the trade he loves - fingers crossed it works out as well for him as it did for our last columnist.

NB We mentioned there might be two redundant journos lined up - to her and our obvious delight, one of them is no longer eligible, having found a job. Over the last couple of weeks we've also had a number of other candidates write in offering their services for the redundant journo slot. For now, we're going to leave it to Morpork, as having multiple people writing the column might just get a bit complicated. But we're very grateful for the interest and we'll certainly keep you in mind...

Senior Reporter - North London Times and Independent Series

A semi-decent local paper vacancy within London, this one. The North London Times and Independent Series, a Newsquest group including among others the Hendon Times, is looking for a senior reporter.

You'll be based in Hendon, home of the police training college and lots of corner shops selling Polish food, but you'll be given a laptop and mobile and be expected to be out and about across north west London, finding and filing stories.

They want someone who's ideally passed their NCE and has experience with off-diary stories. In return, they're offering five weeks holiday and a salary of £19,467, which, while not as bad as some local paper salaries, isn't really a lot to live on in London.

Apply to Group Editor Rachel Sharp, quoting reference HR01/526, at rsharp@london.newsquest.co.uk. Deadline this Friday 7 August.

Poll: Is studying journalism money well spent?

Inspiration for our poll today comes from today's story of a New York woman, Trina Thompson, who, unable to find a job, is suing the college where she obtained her bachelor's degree.

Her degree was in information technology rather than journalism, but you get the point. FleetStreetBlues has never been entirely convinced by the need for formal as opposed to on-the-job journalism training, and particularly if it's a postgraduate course, it can certainly rack up the student debt.

So - if you did it - was it worth it? Let us know in the poll at the top right...

Reporter - Third Sector

Charity trade magazine Third Sector is looking for a new reporter to cover its fundraising patch.

Job requirements seem fairly standard for this kind of b2b reporting role, but they seem to want journalism experience, combined with a 'proven interest in social affairs and the role of the voluntary sector in society'. Get renosing those CVs accordingly.

Salary band is £25k, although they emphasise its 'according to experience', and you're asked to state your current salary in your application. Apply online via the Haymarket website.

Happy Mondays

We're back - with a brand-new redundant journo column and a fistful of jobs to boot.

So, what did we miss? Some seriously worrying rumours for anyone working on the Observer. Wired magazine editor Chris Anderson managing to make a complete arse of himself. And David Cameron somehow getting slammed for stating the bleeding obvious on Twitter. Welcome to the silly season...